Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
