The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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