He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
