my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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