note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
