id be glad to
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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