May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
