im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
