you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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