i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
