Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
