theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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