Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
