we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
