Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
