so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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