i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
