Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
