You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
