i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
