I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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