Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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