If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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