Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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