We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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