I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry my hands just texted you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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