so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
