WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
