So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
