Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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