bring money and cleavage
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
