Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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