At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
