Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
