Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
