I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
