Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
