So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize