Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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