just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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