I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
