Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
