What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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