im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
