just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
