I'm going to jail i love you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
