We're like a lot better than the average bears
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
