You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
