It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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