You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
