like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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