Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
