Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
