she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
