I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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