ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
