ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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