i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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