You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
